Surgery was a bit more complex than expected, so i have not been able to do much typing, but i will be back regularly.  While on the mend, i read a frustrating series of books, the 50 Shades series.  i will have a whole blog, as there is a lot to say, but i was disappointed.  More soon.


4th of July

The 4th of July started like most other days.  i woke up, cleaned the house, and waited for Mater to let me know what He had planned for the day.  i honestly thought we would have burgers and watch fireworks.  Master laid some clothes out for me, and i put them on, thinking they were a little dressy for fireworks, but whatever. We headed outside and as we were snuggled up watching the fireworks Master said, “I want you to be my wife”.  Thinking it was just talk, i replied, “me, too”.  i looked up and saw tears in His eyes as He kissed me and told me this was the best 4th of July ever.  But next year would be better because next 4th of July we will exchange our vows.  That’s when i broke into tears.

Master kissed me, took my hand, led me inside, and made love to me more passionately than ever before.  i am so happy!!!!!

On another note, i am having surgery tomorrow, so posts may be limited for a few weeks, but i will be back.

Love to all,



i haven’t been on in awhile, and i don’t have time to write a long post now, but i will post some BIG NEWS tomorrow.

love to all,


Bad Dreams

Almost 15 years ago a man who lived down the street from me broke into my house in the middle of the night, raped me, stabbed me, and left me for dead.  Obviously i survived, but it has been a long road.  He took a plea and served two years in prison.  after his release, he continued to have legal problems, leading him to shoot a police officer and be sentenced to death.  Every so often i hear from the DA, asking for my testimony in a trial, appeal, or whatever.

Last week was one of those times.  i ignored the email, but it brought all those thoughts back to life, and put images i thought i had buried back in my head.  This has led me to be skittish and have nightmares again.  It is taking a toll on Master, even though He would never say so.  The last two nights in a row He came to get into bed when i was already asleep, and it startled me to the point of a panic attack.  i can see the hurt in His eyes as He tells me, “It’s just Me, dari.  I am not going to hurt you”.  my only response is to nod my head and try to stop crying.  i am truly lucky to have a man in my life who deals with all my baggage (believe me, this is not the only thing He has to deal with).

i tell y’all that to tell y’all this: bad things happen.  Nothing is guaranteed in life.  Never take anything for granted.  i honestly believe there is always a silver lining.  Although that night will always haunt me, it produced my son, who i adore.  And i have someone who will hold me and rock me to sleep while i cry.  It was a long road, but i am happy.  No matter what is going on in your life right now, one day you will be able to look back on it and know it taught you something about yourself, and ultimately made you a better person.  At least that’s what happened to me.




Last night Master came and climbed into bed with me, and started kissing my neck and running His hands over my body.  i rolled over and He took me into His arms and kissed me slowly and deeply.  As He was doing this He rolled me onto my back, and slid His hard cock into me.  It was difficult at first, it always is if we go more that a few days without sex.  Then He was inside me, moving slowly at first, kissing me and telling me how much He loves me.  i begged Him to go faster, but He grinned mischievously and continued at His deliciously torturous pace.  Before i knew it, i was begging Him to let me cum, and when He finally told me to cum, we climaxed together.  i exhaled and expected Master to roll over, but instead He kept moving inside me, telling me, “I made love to My queen, now let me fuck My slut.”

Without another word, my legs were spread wide and my ankles pinned to the bed behind my head.  Master drove into me harder and harder, almost to the point of being more painful than i could bear.  Faster and faster He fucked me, making me recite,”i’m Your good little slut”, loudly, over and over until we both came together again.  At this point i was sure He would lay next to me and cuddle up with me, but He was not finished.  He slid down between my legs and began licking and sucking my clit.  Master is amazing with His tongue, and before long i was begging to cum.  When He let me know i could, i came, and every muscle in my body locked up all at once.  It was a feeling i have never experienced before.

When we snuggled up together a few minutes later, all i could say was “wow.”

“Did you really think I was going to let the fact that we have no kids at home, and the neighbors just moved out go unnoticed?” He asked me.

i hadn’t put it together, but Master did.  It is going to be a great summer.


Love to all,



Yesterday i went to the store and got all Master’s favorites to make for dinner.  The didn’t have what i initially wanted to cook, but i got some other things,a nd went home to cook my surprise dinner for Master.  i went into the kitchen and spent two hours cooking ham, cheesy scalloped potatoes, corn on the cob, and cressant rolls.  When dinner was finished, i went into the living room and Master was asleep.  i tried to wake Him, but He didn’t want to get up.  So, i made him a plate, and put the rest away.

At first i was upset, annoyed, and irritated.  Then  stopped to think.  Master aways babies me when i am sick, and i love Him for it.  i know Master’s acid reflux has been bothering Him, and He had been up since 2am the night before. He wasn’t saying He didnt wat my food,He just needed to rest.  He woke up around 9pm, and i guess i was still pouting, because He asked me if i was mad at Him. i told Him i was just disappointed, which was the truth, and we talked it out. In the end, Master ate His dinner (and loved it), we went to bed, talked and laughed, then went to sleep.

So, what did i learn?  In a Master/slave BDSM relationship communication is just as, if not more important than in a vanilla relationship.  i should not have been upset at all, but since i was, being honest about my feelings was the only way to get rid of my negativity.  And Master was open and receptive to what i had to say.

i started out o plan a special night, and even though it was not what imagined, it was pretty special.

Love to all,


Secret Plans

Master and i finally have the house to ourselves, and neither of us have to work for the next week.  So, i am wanting to plan a special day for Him.  Generally speaking, i am not allowed to spend money without permission, but i have been saving money here and there, and it has added up.  i have a dr’s appointment tomorrow, so when i am finished, i am going to go to the grocery store to pick up dinner and some hair dye, and to the pet store for a sturdy collar and lead.  i know Master has been wanting me to dye my hair black again, and i already have a new corset and skirt that He hasn’t seen me in yet.

i plan to put dinner in the oven, then run upstairs and dye my hair, put on my make-up, get dressed, then come downstairs and surprise Master.  i am going to wrap the collar and lead so He can open them and put the collar on me and attach the lead Himself.  i also got Him a new paddle.

i am very excited, but i am nervous, too.  Do any of you have any suggestions on how to make our night special?

Peace and love to you all,


Week Wrap-up

This week was crazy busy for Master and i.  We had my son’s middle school graduation, my mother coming to pick up the kids for the summer, and a surprise visit from my in-laws.  It has been great, but it is nice to have some time alone.

Master has also been spending a lot of quality time with me, which i desperately needed.  i love that He can figure out what i need without my having to say it.  Half the time He knows it before i do.  The other night He took me upstairs, laid me on the bed, and began kissing me all over.  Then He massaged every inch of my body, and slowly began making love to me.  Right as i was ready to climax He stopped and began spanking me, soft at first, then harder and harder as i begged for more.  When i almost couldn’t take anymore He started moving inside me again faster and faster until we both climaxed together, hard and fast.  And that was only one night.  Last night He told me to suck His dick, which i did, and after He came in my mouth, He began licking me all over, eventually making His way between my legs.  Master stayed there, licking and sucking my clit until i had cum so many times i was raw.  i had to beg Him to stop.  i am a lucky girl to have a Master who cares so deeply about my pleasure.

i plan to get back on track with my writing, i hate getting behind.  i hope you have all been doing well.

Have a great week,


Awkward BDSM Moments (Humor)

i am going to try to start a running post, and i need your help.  awkward, funny, or humorously embarrassing moments.  Please post any you can think of.  i’ll start.

The fact that there are no mirrors in the Petsmart dog collar aisle.

Picking a collar at Petsmart, going to the checkout and the cashier asks what type of dog you have, and you don’t.

Asking your teenage daughter what costume two kids are wearing and hearing, “There is this thing called Bdsm.  It’s a sex thing.  They wear collars and leads,”  and being slightly uncomfortable that she knows the difference between a leash and a lead.

Getting to the ER after getting sick at work and having to wait for ex-rays until your Master gets there to take the padlock off your collar.

Calling your Master “Master” at your son’s middle school band concert.  Loudly, to get His attention as He is talking to the principal.

Buying a new bed frame, then having to return it because there are no places for handcuffs.  Now you have to think of a reason to tell the furniture store manager.

What can you think of?

PS….Am i spelling awkward correctly?


Every so often, Master and i have a day of “reconnecting”.  We talk, snuggle, have sex, all the good stuff, with no penalties for honesty. Usually it is a chance for both of us to get things off our chest.  Sometimes it is a day just to show the other that we are still in love, happy, and appreciate the other.  Every relationship, BDSM or vanilla, needs this type of attention.  When you fall into a routine you get comfortable, and many people stop simply acknowledging the others efforts.  Resentment sets in, fights start, and no one knows why.  For Master and i, reconnecting helps with this.

Since my daughter came home last week, and we have had company, i haven’t been able to really be as submissive as i like.  So, since my daughter was going to be gone, and my son had school, i figured i would plan a special day for Master.  i got into the shower while Master was in the other room and put on a new teddy, did my make-up, and put on a new collar Master got me (black leather with the word SLAVE in silver metal).  i walked into the room where He was, and the look on His face was priceless.  i love that look.  The one that says, “I want you, now, slave.”  Master smiled at me and we sat and talked for a little while before He had me kneel in front of the couch and bend over onto the cushion.  From behind i heard, “I have missed spanking your ass.”

Master started spanking, softly st first, then harder and harder as i begged Him for more.  Then He started rubbing His dick on my ass with the other hand, and i was begging Him to fuck me.  “Master, please fuck your slut,”  i begged.

“I don’t want to fuck My slut, I want to make love to my slave,”  He told me, leading me to our bedroom.  When we got inside, He had me lay on my back, and began kissing me with strong, soft, passionate kisses.  Starting at my neck, He worked His way down my breasts, past my belly button, and to my clit.  i don’t know how long we stayed like that, but i was weak when we were done.  i tried, no, begged to suck His dick, but He wouldn’t let me.  Master told me he just wanted to make me feel good, and to show how much He appreciated me.

Wow.  i still don’t know what to say.  i would say i don’t feel like i am worthy of Him, but downing myself is not allowed in our house.  i just felt like i should be doing something for Him.  Try as i might, all day long, He would not let me do anything but sit and snuggle with Him as we talked.  i have to say it was a great day.  i started the day trying to make Him feel loved and wanted, but He ended it making me feel the same way.  How lucky can i be?

Peace and love,